Dear Dana . . .
I receive so many requests for advice from dancers, that I decided to post some of the more "interesting" ones here.
All questions are completely anonymous. Click here to submit questions or responses.
Dear Dana,
I've notice that you have stopped booking certain
bands in the last year. Most of these bands are Cajun bands. Why Is that? I love
the music and love to have room to move, especially at Eagles where there is
always room to dance whenever a Cajun band plays. Why is that?? Some of us have
wondered why?? Do you not like Cajun music? You advertise it on your flyer, but
don't seem to teach much anymore. Why?
Signed,
Wants More Cajun
Dear Wants,
Well you have touched on a subject that I have gotten a lot of flak more lately
and one that I'll try and address here. Yes, you're right I don't book as much
Cajun stuff at the Hall like I did because I book Zydeco bands more. Reason?
Zydeco draws more people. it's that simple. And I'm not just talking about 10 or
so, we're talking about 50 or more a night. It happened about 5 or 6 times last
year, where the Cajun styled bands I booked had significantly lower numbers that
the Zydeco Bands and finally I had to make a decision. While many people who go
to Eagles like and do both styles there are a growing number who don't or won't
come out when I have a Cajun band.
Another reason: Let's put it this way. When I've had Cajun bands or Cajun-styled
bands on Friday, we have to give people back their money, as most of them all
say "This is not what I expected." We are known for being primarily a Zydeco
place, and when people come for the first time that's kind of what they expect
to see. When they don't, I can't tell you the number of people who ask for their
money back. That never happens on a Zydeco night. New people may or may not like
the band, but the Zydeco musicians and bands we have who play do not run people
off, like some of the Cajun styled bands. Do I like the music? Yes. Do I love
the dancing? Most certainly. Am I saying that these folks can't play and am
somehow knocking the talent? Of course not, most if not all the Cajun styled
folks we've had have been excellent musicians and professional all the way
around. It's really about the numbers pure and simple...I could go on and on
about it, but that about sums it up.
Sadly, Cajun music and dancing around the country is slowly going under. There
are places in Louisiana now where they SWORE they would never book Zydeco and
now they have, due to the dwindling audience for Cajun stuff. It's sad but it’s
a reality. Course, we still get Steve Riley once a year, and the Lost Bayou
Ramblers and Pine Leaf Boys came through and they drew decent crowds. But those
are out-of-town bands. They do tend to draw better. Local Cajun bands sadly
don't. If the numbers get back up, then I'll look into having them again. The
Zydeco bands we've had over the last year have all done over 200 people at the
minimum...I can't say that with the Cajun or Cajun/styled bands that we've had.
Most haven't really come close to it, with the exception of the out-of-town
bands and even they had a harder time than usual. But I also never say never so
there's always hope.
Thanks for the question and I hope this answers it.
Dana D.
Dear Dana,
I'm a lady who has been coming to Eagles to dance
to Zydeco for a few years now. I've noticed that you don't often teach turns at
the drop-in dance lesson. I've also found that most of the guys I dance with
have no idea how to turn their partner in time to the music. Most leaders turn
me whenever they feel like it which often causes me (the follower) to stumble,
skip, or lose my balance. This means that after each turn both me and my partner
have stop and start again to get back on beat together. It doesn't feel good and
from what I can see of other dancers it doesn't look very good either. Since I
thought that turns are basic to all types of dance, I am curious as to why it is
so difficult for Zydeco dancers.
Signed,
Yearning to Turn
Dear Yearning to Turn,
The reason I don't do turns at Eagles is that it's supposed to be a drop in
lesson. That involves pretty much people who have NEVER DANCED, or not Zydeco
anyway. I try and keep it simple, and if the class is getting the basic
somewhat, then I move on to some footwork. Sadly, it's ALWAYS THE GUYS WHO NEVER
TAKE THE CLASS, who do what they do to you and many others. They just think that
turning is something that is going to wow their partner. Well, frankly, most
don’t know how to do it at all, much less right. It doesn't look good like you
say, and has been known to hurt people. Also, many Zydeco dancers have only
danced Zydeco, and the level is sometimes not very high. In other words, many
Zydeco dancers who think they know dancing don't know squat. They just know two
or three moves and that's all they are going to learn. But they are advanced in
their own minds, so that's the rub. It's hard to compete with someone's ego.
Especially when the dancers we're talking about don't really want to learn. They
just want the fastest, easiest way to go in the shortest amount of time. That's
the leaders. More followers than not should call these guys on their
shortcomings but sadly don't.
Hope it helps.
Dana D.
Dear Dana,
I have noticed that at Eagles Hall you sometimes
play Latin or Funk music when the bands take a break. Some people dance and
others just listen and enjoy it. I've noticed however, that some people do not
find it appealing at all. I've even heard some say that for the money they pay
they don't want hear anything other than Cajun or Zydeco music at a Cajun or
Zydeco dance. Do you have an explanation for these musical purists?
Signed,
Zydefreak
Dear Zydefreak,
I could give you lots of reasons or names, but one name would be: Stuck!!! They
are just stuck on one thing and one thing only. Variety is not only the spice of
life, but it's also what we do pretty much at Eagles Hall. I get a lot of
requests to play different styles of music, and I usually grant the requests
with the music that is on hand. Many people love the stuff we play, from James
Brown to Merengue. More and more people are getting up and dancing, especially
to something like the Merengue. Most people who don't like it, I find, are the
ones who are stuck on what they only can do. They don't try and learn, they
don't try and do something new, they just want to have the same ol' same
ol'. And sadly, the same ol' same ol' I have found with these people is pretty
boring and lame. That's my humble opinion anyway..
Hope it helps.
Dana D.
Dear Dana,
I'm a woman who always seems to get the guys who
dance badly, can't keep time, can't do any moves, can't lead, and then proceed
to get on MY case about not being able to follow a bad dancer and bad lead. Is
this just me, or do other women experience the same thing?? It's driving me
nuts. It's bad enough to have a bad dancer, but then to say it's MY fault makes
me want to stomp on his foot.
Signed,
Disgruntled Dancer
Dear Disgruntled
It's not you. There are many guys in a lot of dance scenes that do just what you
are talking about. And they do it quite often, most with no shame or guilt at
all about how bad they are. It's like they are in denial, although I know most
aren't. They just frankly don't want to get any better, they want to take the
very easy way of doing things and then blame someone else for their
shortcomings.
My answer would just be to walk off when they start giving you the dissertation
on your dance style. Just walk off. I usually don't recommend that, but there
are some guys in this scene, like others, that need to be taken down a peg or
two. Especially in this dance scene, where, since most people are pretty cool,
but there are some who are like the guy you described.
Of course, if that is beyond what you want to do, you could always come back
with the snappy "Well, if I got a better lead, I could have done the move much
better." Throw it back on them and see how they take it. Most REAL men wouldn't
have said anything in the first place. They would have tried to do the right
thing by making YOU look better if they could. But the guys you are describing
aren't real men. They are like little boys, who have to blame someone else for
their problems. So little boys sometimes need more drastic measures to get their
attention, like the above solution.
Anyway, hope it helps.
D
Dear Dana,
I'm always curious. You are always talking about
guys who do the bump, and you don't seem to like it, and don’t teach it,
although many guys do it. Is there a reason??
Curious Mind Needs to Know
Dear Needs,
The reason I don’t like it is that it just seems lazy to me to do. There are so
many wonderful arm moves and patterns as well as funky feet, that it just seems
to be an extremely lazy move for the man to do. I've just seen it over the years
become so guys ONLY move they do, over and over and over and over again. It
seems to bore most women, and puts the guy who does it in place that maybe he
should just learn more. But this is the move they choose to do, and frankly most
don't do it well enough to warrant anything. I used to do the bump back in the
day, and seeing some of these guys butcher the move and doing it to Zydeco,
where many people in Louisiana never do it, just seems wrong to me. So that's
why I don't like it.
Hope it helps,
Dana
Dear Dana,
I really like your
website, but wanted to know if you have some recommendations on newer CD's than
the ones posted on the site already? Any suggestions would be helpful?
Signed,
Wants to know
Dear Wants,
One of the reasons I don't
post many CD's is that someone is always bound to get miffed or put off about
why I chose someone or didn’t choose someone else. It's kind of opening up a
whole can of worms I don’t like to do very often but since you asked...
Some newer CD's I play a lot are the newest ones by Chris Ardoin, "Sweat" and
"Save the Last Dance". Both are very, very good. Danceable, great singing,
songwriting, accordion playing, etc... Also, the tempos are too fast but you can
really get a good groove going. Also, Step Rideau's CD from a couple of years
back, "From Step to U", is a very fine CD. Geno Delafose's latest, "Everybody's
Dancing", is something I play a lot. I especially like the tune "Bluerunner" on
it, as does everyone who hears it. Andre Thierry's CD is also very good.
Some others in the traditional vein are Dexter Ardoin's "What You Come to Do."
It's a very nice take on traditional French/Creole music that has an updated
sound. Also, Brian Jack's "Zydeco Time" is a great CD, in which every cut
is very good.
Another one that isn't traditional but is very good is Big Red and the Zydeco
Playmakers' CD. The singing is great, band is tight, and it has a very new and
fresh feel to it. Curley Taylor's CD also has a lot of newer stuff on it as
well.
These are just some, but by no means all, of the ones I play, listen too, and
have had a lot of people say they like.
You can get these CD's by going to the websites for the bands:
www.chrisardoin.com
www.geocities.com/andre_thierry1
www.ritmoartists.com/Geno/delafose.htm
Big Red's CD can be bought at www.flattownmusic.com/Big_Red.htm
Hope that helps...
Dana D.
Dear Dana,
As someone who has danced in this scene awhile now,
I've had great fun. But a couple of questions I would like to ask: 1) Is it just my imagination or do
more guys do the "BUMP" more than when I started two years ago? 2) What do you do with these guys when I,
as a woman, get SO TIRED of doing the same thing beat after beat after beat.
Some guys do this move 20 times in a row!!! My hips hurt, so does my arm as they yank it up
to get to my hip?? What should I do?? Don't want to be rude, but am very tired of this.
Signed, Don't Want to Bump No More Dear Don't, Well, you've hit on a very sore point with me (no pun intended). NO, it's not
your imagination. More guys seem to like doing this move, a move I personally
can't stand. I don't know why these guys do this... I honestly don't. The only
answer I can give is that these guys are very, very lazy when it comes to
dancing. They don't want to learn ANYTHING new, they think they are impressing
you when they are not, and for some reason that seems to be the big cash money
move for a lot of guys. I would recommend that you tell them, very directly that
you don't like it. Period. Tell more women that too, and I think if enough of
you gals tell these guys that they might actually not do it ALL NIGHT LONG!!!!!
Hope that helps. If that doesn't, maybe hitting them hard on the hip when they
bump, or pulling down on their arm when they try to do it might give them a hint. Dana. Dear Dana,
What do I do when my dance
partner, the lead, dances in a constant circle? I'm not talking about repeated
twirling and rapid spins, or even saying that the man is a bad dancer, which
can make the experience even more frustrating when he is getting in a groove,
but continues rotating in a steady circle. I try to tolerate the circling as
long as I can and seek satisfaction in the fact that at least we're on the beat.
I will even try as subtly as possible, through body language, to apply the
brakes. But even so, they inevitably start turning again. Is it rude for me
to attempt to back-lead in the middle of a song? I would think it would be ruder
yet to ask him to stop circling. I really try to be a good sport, but I hate
feeling dizzy! In a similar vein, what
do you do if your knees can't tolerate a lot of moves requiring deep bending
and your lead loves it? I sound like a wooden plank with a tendency towards
nausea, but it's not that bad in either department as long as both circling
and deep bending are done in moderation. But there are those who don't understand
the meaning of the word. Input please. Need a Clue Dear Needs, Actually, the question you
asked has a simple answer: TELL HIM. Seriously, you really should. I know that
some guys have an ego problem that requires you to tiptoe around said ego, but
too bad. Only bad dancers seem to not to give a damn about the partner. Good
dancers should always make their partners feel good. Maybe a bit intimidated
is always going to be there, but no one should get dizzy or sick, or HURT especially.
Just tell him. I don't know if back
leading
would work. Most guys who like to dip, in my experience, can't do much else.
There are a few guys around here at Eagles who I have told and have asked NOT
TO COME BACK, because all they do is dip, and haven't paid attention to what
the women asked. So, they are gone and good riddance. Seriously, you should
not be hurt or sick. Most dancers are respectful of their partners opinion. The
ones that aren't, walk off. If enough women do it, they will either get the
message or get out. Hope that helps, Dana. Dear Dana, I have been partner dancing
for a few years now, and I especially like Zydeco because the accordion makes
me smile and I love dancing to the fast beat. I'm writing for your advice because
I have a pet peeve about dancing that I was hoping you, as the Bay Area's premier
Zydeco dance instructor could address. It never ceases to amaze me as a follower
in this dance form as in others, how often I get stepped on or hit on the dance
floor. I bring this up now because last weekend I saw a woman who was knocked
into another dancer while doing a turn so hard that she was nearly reduced to
tears. Another friend complained to me because she had been stepped on by a
lady in heels and she felt it could have seriously damaged her foot. Now I know
that these are extreme examples, and I don't think that hitting or stepping
on someone on the dance floor is ever intentional, but I have found that it
made me so mad at times, that, much to the dismay of my partner, I've stopped
dancing and walked off the floor. What do you think the crux of the problem
is here, bad leading or bad following or both? Do you think it is rude to ask
beginning leaders not to run you into anyone as you dance with them? Do you
have any suggestions for dealing with the other dance floor "drifters" who seem to
knock into other couples on a consistent basis? Please fill me in. I'm eager
for your perspective on this all-too-common problem. Thanks, Bruised and confused Dear Bruised and Confused The problems that you talk
about seem to be universal in dance. However, I must admit that Zydeco seems
to be getting more of it's share of people who don't seem to give a damn about
dance floor space, who is on the floor, where they are, or whether or not they
bang their partner into someone. It's always the guys, who REALLY THINK THEY
KNOW how to dance that do this stuff. But, most of these bozos can't dance,
and either won't take classes or even if they do, they assume they know how
to do moves. It's something that has always amazed me. So in reference to your
questions, by all means walk off the floor if these guys do this stuff. I would
unquestionably get in someone's face if they plowed me into someone. Accidental
bumping into someone happens, but accidental is different than someone not paying
attention, or not caring. No one should ever get hurt because of someone's stupidity
and negligence. That's what leading is supposed to be about, in my humble opinion.
Someone who looks out for the lady, who is trusting their man to do just that.
Too many idiots don't though, as they are so busy doing a move, thinking of a
move, or just plain ignoring their partner, then collisions and injuries occur.
This may sound harsh, but
it's a pet peeve of mine. I've seen people get injured because of bad leads.
Some women have had to quit dancing for long periods due to these so-called
"leaders". So yes, by all means, call them on it. I think more women should,
and
then maybe, just maybe these guys might get the message about dancing: That
it is supposed to be fun, but safe, and that no one should be put in position
to be hurt. Hope that helps, Dana. Dear Dana,
I am new to Zydeco music
and dance, but I think it is so much fun that I want to practice dancing at
home. Do you recommend any favorite bands or recordings that are especially
good for this sort of thing? Signed, Eager for More
Dear Eager for More You've asked a great question.
It's one I've tried to avoid in the past as people are so picky about what they
like, that some people are going to ask how come I don't have this or that CD,
this
band is great, how come you don't play them, I love this band, how come we never
hear them, etc......It just has gone on and on. So I've not put in print what
I like or recommend much. But since you've asked in
a sweet way, I'll give some CD's that I use a lot to teach to. These are just
a sampling of things I like, and by all means not a definitive list: Brian Jack and The Zydeco
Gamblers-"Give Me Some Room": Also, "Once Again". These CD's are more of
the Modern Zydeco Sound. The rhythms are also a bit slower than the older style, so
one can practice at a slower pace. Nathan and The Zydeco
Cha-Cha's-"Zydeco Hog, Live at the Rock and Bowl." This is a great, great live
recording featuring Nathan and his band at their best. Great two-steps, some
shuffles, just wonderful sounds. Beau Jocque-"Git
It, Beau Jocque", "I'm Coming Home". These are my two favorite CD's by the late, great
Beau Jocque. These are funky, hard-driving and have nice, long grooves that one
can practice moves too. Boozoo Chavis-Pretty
much any CD. All of Boozoo's CD's are good, and they include many of the same
songs in each CD. A Zydeco Dancer should have at least one Boozoo CD. Lynn August-"Creole
People", and "Creole Cruiser". These two CD's are in my opinion, just great.
When I first starting teaching, I wore out the Creole Cruiser CD I had, twice
over. Lynn August doesn't play much anymore, and is a great representation of
an older-style. Great, great, piano-note playing. Clifton Chenier-"Live
at Saint Mark's". This CD is wonderful. It's live, shows how the King of Zydeco
was at his best. Since this was also recorded at Saint Marks, here in Richmond,
Calif. it's a special treat to hear, as that is one of the first church dance
halls I went dancing at. This gives you a look into how Zydeco used to be in
the old-school and still sounds good today. Geno Delafose-"La
Chanson Perdue", "That's What I"m Talking About", and "French Rockin' Boogie".
Any of these CD's will do, as Geno is just flat-out great. His music is pretty
much the same live as on the CD. These will make you sweat, as the two-steps
are faster than some, but Geno also plays a few more waltzes than most. All of these CD's are, in
my opinion, recommended. Anyway, hope this short list helps. Again, by all means,
these are not the only ones I play. Keith Frank, Step Rideau, Zydeco Force,
Lil'Malcolm, Leroy Thomas, Andre Thierry and more are many of the Zydeco artists
I play in my classes and at dances. Also, on the Cajun side, Steve Riley and
the Mamou Playboys, Le Feufollet, Dewey Balfa and the Balfa Brothers, Balfa
Toujours, etc....I could be here all day. These artists are all good, but again,
it just depends on your taste. Good luck and have a good time searching. Dana.
Dear Dana,
I really enjoy your column and the advice you give. It has helped me figure
what to do with certain people on the floor without being weird or nasty about
it. However, one question I have to ask you is this: What is the proper count
for Zydeco? I do other forms of dancing, and whenever I go dancing, usually at
Eagles Hall, so many men tell me different things. I've taken your drop-in lesson, and
you start it with a quick-quick-slow count. Some men I dance with INSIST it
is started with a slow-quick-quick.
Dear Dana,
Sorry Readers, that I haven't had a chance to update this column as much as
I would have liked. I have a couple of interesting questions that have come
in. One was: Having danced Zydeco for the last few months now, I have
definitely
noticed that I'm getting better. However, many folks I danced with, have said
that my style still is "not right." That I sway too much on the balls of my
feet, and not enough heel action. Dana, are these folks right, or are these
guys being not-so-know-it-alls?
Signed,
Wants to Know-It-All (or at least try)
Dear Wants,
A great question, and again, another that is asked all the time. There are many
styles of Zydeco I can recommend to you. Many folks dance on the balls of the
feet, and some twist. I've never seen that in Louisiana much, only on the West
Coast, and not much in the Bay. However, an older style is done where the weight
is shifted from side-to-side on the balls of the feet, with the weight dropping
on the heel. However, in the last few years, people are using the whole foot,
and heels as well. Swivels are used, twizels also, touching with the toe with
the weight on the heel. Also, another style is that some people bend one leg
more than the other, like a merengue style. Some folks used to only keep the
knees bent, and kept the weight on both legs.
My suggestion to you would be to dance with as many folks as you can. Also,
do some exercises where you put the weight on the whole foot, and then shift
back to the heel, and just raise the toe of the weight foot. It is not easy,
and you might want to hold on to a rail or chair to keep your balance.
Also, try alternate weight on your legs, with the weight being on the bent
leg. Not too much, as your kneecap will feel it, just enough of bend, slightly,
and feel the weight go through the quads, through the hips, and back the other
way.
These are just alternatives to doing things the way you do. Twisting is not
wrong at all, but I find it hurts my back, which is not great to start with.
Try and really focus on keeping the weight down, and back. Not forward, or leaning
in. Lean away a slight bit, and see how that feels. It's great when you do,
and it makes Zydeco the cool, fun, great dance form it is. Hope that helps.
Dana
As a person who does many different styles of dance, I want to know if it
is OK to incorporate the different styles I know to Zydeco. I especially like
to swing dance, and see how many moves can be done to the Zydeco beat. Is it
wrong if I do, and what kind of reception can I expect from the women?
Loves to Swing
Dear Loves,
A good question, and one that is asked all the time. I would say go ahead
as long as you remember that the style of Zydeco, especially, is not like swing.
There is an emphasis on squaring up with your partner, as opposed to the angled
shoulder approach that swing has. Also, remember that many women just want to
groove, and not do many fancy swing moves, with arms and twirls, etc...Also,
many women are beginners so they may not know the moves you want to do.
My advice would be to just be comfortable with the leads you do, and check
out your partners level first. If you feel she can hang, then gently do a move
or two, see what happens and proceed from there. Remember to always smile though.
That goes a long way. Hope it helps. Dana. Dear Dana,
Now that spring is here, and the weather is hotter, I have a concern that
has been on my mind the last couple of years. I've been dancing at Eagles Hall
the past 4 years, and every spring and summer experience the same problem. During
the spring and summer months, it tends to get hot in the Hall. I know it's an
old building without central air conditioning, and that doesn't bother me, I
don't mind sweating. After all, that's what dancing is about. WHAT does concern
me is when I dance with certain men who like to dance by the fan, and place
ME right in the path of the breeze. Not only do I get chilled by it, but when
I wear a dress, it flies up. I can't help get the feeling that some of these
guys are doing it on purpose. What can I do about this? Signed, Don't call me
the Breeze.
Dear Breeze,
This concern is something I've heard a lot of in the past few years. While
the vast majority of guys are nice, sincere, and respectful, we get a few creeps
along the way. I suggest telling said partners who do this in a POLITE, but
FIRM way to not put you in front of a fan, as it bothers you. The respectful
dancer will immediately go out of his way to move. The others, well, if they
don't, say do it again, and you're off the floor. That may be a bit harsh, but
some guys have to be told.
Dana.
I'm a frequent dancer at the Eagles Hall in Alameda, and I love it! Great
partners, great atmosphere, great bands. However, the music is too loud for
me. I've brought this up to others and they've suggested I dance in the back,
away from the stage. Dana, I love to feel the contact between the musicians
and dancers. If I dance in the back, I miss out on that exciting transfer of
energy between musician and dancer. Any suggestions on how to fix this problem?
Signed, Going Deaf
Dear Going Deaf,
Yes, at times I agree with you, even though I book these shows. Because of
constant exposure to high volume music, many of the musicians (and some dancers)
are suffering problems with hearing loss. I understand the problem, and have
put the main speakers on stands to get the sound above the dancers heads, hence
creating a sound that can still be heard but where your ears don't bleed. So
the problem is being worked on, and slowly getting resolved. With the new changes
to the speakers you should be able to dance closer to the stage without having
to see blood draining from your eardrums. You'll be able to see the glow in
your partners eyes with the dazzling moves you'll do. However, if the sound
is still bothering you, ear plugs offer protection, many dancers use them. But
believe it or not, I get just as many requests from people that think it isn't
LOUD ENOUGH, go figure. Hope this helps.
I'm a lady dancer who takes pride in her appearance, and works hard to keep
it up. I like to go to a dance looking good and dance my booty off. My complaint
is, when I get a guy who can't dance, has a big gut, and is sweating like a
hog, and he wants to dance close. What should I do when I don't want to feel
their sweat on me, and what would be a good way to politely refuse them?
Doesn't Work For Me,
When he gets in close, bounce yourself off his belly, like a trampoline, to
propel yourself across the room and out of his reach. Hope this helps. As you know, many of our zydeco dances have more females than males. Initially,
this was fantastic! For the first time in my life I was in demand. A hot commodity!
Pursued like a stud! And in all honesty, I'm an average looking guy, a mediocre
dancer. It was a grand! Stud Nothin
Stud Nothin,
This is not an easy topic, so I'll have to tread lightly here. I think most
good dancers have the same experience. I know that when this happens to me,
I get uneasy, especially if I have been getting the tap all night long. I would
dance once a night with someone like you're describing. But, if you absolutely
can't bear to dance with them, tell them you're "sitting this one out," and
you must do it! You CANNOT DANCE WITH SOMEONE ELSE for this song, it's plain
rude. Or, you can tell them you promised this dance to someone but will try
to get back to them later. Last month at Eagles Hall, I was dancing with an older man and everything
was fine, until he lead me into an outside turn. As I began to turn he dropped
his hand down my back so he could graze my rear end for the entire turn. I wasn't
absolutely certain it was deliberate until he tried it again. This is not the
first time something like this has happened. What should I do the next time
a guy sneaks a feel?
Ms Not to Trot
Dear Ms Not to Trot,
This is one question I hear all the time. My first reaction would be to tell
you to smack him upside the head, but that's the street person coming out in
me. The professional person in me would tell you to break away from him and
stay in open position. If the person tries to make you come back to closed position,
tell him you don't appreciate it when they try to sneak a feel past you. Any
HONORABLE dancing man would never do it in the first place, and if they were
to do it by mistake would probably be apologizing till next year. If THAT doesn't
work, then just walk off. I usually never recommend that, but unwanted touching
is never allowed and never condoned, so sometimes you have to. Hope that helps.
Dana.
Please help with this, as when I start to follow the man, it doesn't seem like
that big a deal, at least to me. Is it? What is the proper way to count? Does
it make that big of a deal? Please help me with this, as I'm starting to question
my own judgment about dancing.
Inquiring Mind,
Inquiring Mind
Don't doubt your own judgment. I teach a quick-quick-slow, but I learned a the
other way first, slow-quick-quick. While it was a bit tricky at first, I soon
realized that it really wasn't any different. It's just how you count it. Olivia
Thierry, Andre's mom, taught me the way I do it now, and she said it's to get
people moving, and then you can work with that.
I think that is a great philosophy, especially beginners who don't know anything,
especially about moving. These guys may be trying to impress you with how little
they know. If they are really strong leaders, they will do things to make you
feel better, so you can relax and follow better. Also, if they are so good,
they
should be able to do both, as really, once you are in the basic two-step pattern
and count, you are in it.
These guys may be doing it the only way they know, which while not wrong, should
not be the only way. Too many people, alas, adhere to that philosophy. Their
way is the only way. For them, yes, but not for others. To be also brutally honest,
it's always and usually the bad dancers who have to correct people on the "correct"
way to do the step. Those are not the ones who really have any fun either, because
they are not listening to the music, they are too busy being "correct", and making
sure you are too, to really listen to the music, and just let go and have fun.
So, Inquiring, don't worry. There aren't too many of them around. And don't doubt
yourself. Remember, the goal is to have fun, and frankly most women I know and
dance with don't even pick up the first slow anyway. So again, have fun. Hope
this helps.
Dana
Dear Dana,
Dear Dana,
Dear Dana,
Doesn't Work For Me
Dana
Dear Dana,
But now . . . I've come to feel like a hunted animal. They won't leave me alone.
All night long, tap, tap, tap on my shoulder. I never get to dance with who
I want. I rarely get the chance to ask a woman to dance.
Is it okay to decline a dance with someone I don't enjoy dancing with? If so,
how do I do it? I'm not accustomed to turning women down and I don't want to
hurt anyone's feelings. Please help.
Of course, some women don't take a hint, just like MANY MEN. If they persist,
I would grin and bear it for one dance, thank them, and move on. I think if
you do it in a polite, gracious manner, most women won't object. If the said
women wants another dance, again, be polite, but say no thank you, you have
someone waiting, but maybe some other time in the future. Hope that helps. Dana.
Dana
Dear Dana,