Six Golden Rules: (most apply to everyone, not just beginners).

1) Be aware of people around you and actively avoid hitting them! Sounds simple right? Well, if this sounds simple to you then you haven't been dancing in some of the more crowded clubs. This can prove difficult at times, and you must keep your wits about you in order to "steer clear." Avoid throwing your partner (i.e. follower) into people as a means of clearing space for yourself (that's a joke). If you're dancing in a crowded place, don't take large steps, keep your steps smaller (this will help with the faster music too).

2) If you knock into somebody, or step on somebody, acknowledge your mistake. Say you're sorry! You don't have to get on your hands and knees and beg forgiveness (although it might help), but you should actually look at the person and acknowledge the fact that you hit them, stepped on them, whatever. Even a friendly nod is better than nothing! If they are busy dancing, and they ignore you, it's okay to go up afterwards and just say your sorry. Ladies with spiked heels that step on somebody DO have to get on hands and knees and beg for forgiveness.

3) Let the show-off's, show off! You can't stop them. As a beginner, it is in your best interest to give these guys some room (as some can be mighty forceful in taking it from you). Just move your partner to a safer place on the floor. Generally, "shows" are held on the outside of the floor, the edges. If you're going to show off, you want people to see it, so you're not going to go to the center of the floor right? Beginners may find more space, and easier dancing in the center.

4) Some social dancing can be showy! It's nice to have people admire your dance style and super fast, razor sharp moves. However, show off's have to pay special attention to rule number 1! Be aware of your surroundings! The worst part is, most show off's are good dancers, they are aware of their surroundings. They just don't care. They are going to clear space for themselves to strut their stuff, at whatever cost to those around them! Well, that's life. Some people are cool, some aren't! As a beginner, my advice is avoid these people like the plague. Believe me, you won't be able to miss them on the dance floor. When you're watching them, you'll be awed and entertained, when you're dancing next to them, you won't be!

5) Lay off fancy dips! I know . . . believe me. There will be plenty of time for that later. For example, let's say you just learned a great dip in class. Now you want to twirl the lady around five times, fast, catch her with one hand behind your back, and gracefully take her body to the floor; the woman is astonished by your grace, the crowd awed by your speed. Unfortunately, this often turns out poorly! The five turns don't go as planned. The lady spins out of control crashing into the next couple. In a flailing attempt to grab her, you leap forward, catch and throw her into the dip too fast. As you are lowering her body, you notice the heel of another lady flick in the air towards your partners head. As her head and the lady's heel nearly collide you jerk her out of the way, throwing her into someone's ass, which throws both of you off balance. You land on the floor, on top of the woman who is never going to dance with you again (nor will any of her beautiful friends). Not the most attractive picture eh? Well, I see it all the time! It never ceases to amaze me.

6a) Leaders (protecting your partner): Adding on to all of our previous tips, the underlying theme is, your partner is gold. Her safety is in your hands, and only your hands. Whether she is a rote beginner, or a truly advanced dancer, you are the leader (at least in most cases). You've learned that through the use of well placed turns, and cross body leads, you can deftly navigate the most crowded of dance floors. Your partner is not a weapon, to be flung out like a dangerous projectile, in order to clear more space for yourself. Likewise, if she is swinging out of control, you might try to reign her in a bit. Remember the simple truth, followers are following your lead. If an accident happens it's always the leader's fault (whether it IS or not). Leader's need to be vigilant in preventing dance accidents before they happen! Stay sharp . . .

6b) Followers (protecting your partner): Does that mean you can close your eyes, and go blithely wherever led? Well, yes and no. In many cases, you are at the leader's mercy, however, in some cases (cross body leads for example), you have many choices. For example, let's take the biggest problem. Huge steps! Most of the time, unless you're in a huge hall, your not going to get away with taking enormous leaps away from your partner! Keep it small, keep it tight. Watch some of those advanced female dancers we have in our midst. I can't think of an advanced female who takes big steps. In fact, most of the really advanced dancers, dance incredibly tightly, and very controlled. Oh, and one more thing, if you see your leader about to crash into someone behind him (he can't see back there, trust me), it's polite to give him a little pat, alerting him to the impending crash.

Not-So-Golden Rules

While it is okay to ask someone phenomenally better than yourself to dance, it's not okay to do it more than once. And especially not over and over throughout the night. Be respectful of their right to dance at their level. They're out to have a good time just like you. If you are going to ask someone phenomenally better than yourself to dance, be understanding of the fact that they may wish to wait a song or two. If they say no, don't take it personally. You may have asked at an inopportune time (i.e. their favorite super fast dance tune just came on)! It's okay to ask again, once, but usually not in the same night.

The Opposite View

Advanced Dancers: Wow, a beginner just came came up to you and asked you to dance during your favorite fast song, you said, "not right now, maybe later, thanks for asking," and went to dance with someone else. Be aware, and sensitive to the fact that it is NOT easy to ask people to dance. He/She may have walked all the way across the floor, with his/her friends watching, to ask you that question that you so easily brushed aside. If you really didn't want to dance with a beginner for just that particular song, FIND him/her later and say something to the effect of "how about that dance?" If you don't want to dance with a beginner, be POLITE about it, and go out of your way to be both charming and respectful.


Advanced Etiquette

Okay, you've been dancing for years. When you dance, people clear the floor. You've worked hard and are a skilled dancer. Yet, some pretty basic etiquette rules still apply for you as well. Most involve the use of floor space, and the "gentle" use of those skills. Finally, some special Etiquette (i.e. a higher standard) applies to teachers.

Let me start by acknowledging a simple truth. As you become a more advanced dancer, the ability to express yourself through the music greatly increases. You no longer need to count, nor think about "what am I going to do next"? Your body is now comfortable doing all the moves, yes, even the neck wrap. The dance becomes, ideally, an extension of yourself and your personal interpretation of the music. With this in mind, let's get to the meat.

Let me tell you a story, from last night actually. I'm dancing, and I am into the music. I'm really feeling it, and the amount of space I'm using is increasing. Pretty soon, I've cleared a nice area around myself, and I'm flying through this dance. Then, out of nowhere, this total beginner couple comes right smack into my dance space, and starts practicing! I just can't believe it . . . right next to me, flinging his partner (and her shoes) dangerously close to my (and my partner's) heels. One of two things can happen at this point. I can either take my space back, which isn't very difficult, or, I can utilize my years of dance training to reign myself in. What did I do? Did I hustle this brand new dance couple off the floor because their obliviousness interrupted my dance? That certainly would not have left them with a good feeling about their first trip to a dance!

What you do, is ultimately going to be determined by the specific facts of the situation (and your mood at the time), but etiquette urges restraint! Reign it in, keep it tight, give them a little more space. It takes a great dancer to dance fast and smooth in a very small space. I'm not saying it's easy to dance with speed and grace in a large space, but I am saying that to dance in a controlled manner, in a smaller space, requires much more skill. Anyone can flail at enormous speed in a vast space. We see it all the time.

The Rule: Even more so than beginners, advanced dancers have a responsibility to be aware of their surroundings. As a beginner, you may not have the requisite skill to avoid another couple. As an advanced dancer, there's no excuse.

Being Asked to Dance by beginners, or in some cases, anyone: In this case, I think I'll start with what I consider to be "the rules", and digress (significantly) from there.

1) Always be respectful! It's just plain hard to ask someone to dance in the first place, but asking an Advanced Dancer to dance is even more difficult. They know they don't have the skills you do, but they've asked you to dance anyway, that takes guts. In addition, respect the fact that in our society, women oftentimes aren't accustomed to asking men to dance, so it takes more guts, and self assuredness, for women to ask men. Men, be extra-understanding of this!

2) If possible, say yes! By this I mean, if circumstances permit, say yes. What circumstances might prevent you from saying yes? A great song, wanting to dance with someone else, getting a drink, the list is endless . . . However, the rule is simple. If you can say yes, do! This is one dance. 3-5 minutes. You might even like it (or you may not).

Now, after stating these basic rules, I'm going to give them some meat, and shred them to pieces. Remember these rules, as I tell you a few real life stories!

I remember, years ago at Kimballs, asking this fantastic dancer to dance. I mean, she was awesome. She looked me up and down, and asked me quite simply, "are you any good?" I had to answer, "I'm a beginner," because hell, it was true. With a look of absolute distaste, she said, "I don't dance with beginners," and turned away. I was crushed. Now, I might have stomached this better if my friends hadn't been watching the entire exchange, but of course, they had. Fast forward FIVE years, I still remember this exchange! Must have been pretty powerful eh? Since then I've learned that being turned down for a dance isn't that bad, however at the time, it was a powerful motivator to get better. I suppose some people are better at taking rejection than others.

I probably shouldn't write this, but since it happened recently, I thought I'd relate another personal experience. Last night, after a so-so band, the DJ finally played some Cuban music. I felt great, I love Cuban music and was ready to dance. When "Bamboleo" came on, this woman comes up, out of nowhere, grabs me by the hand, and says, (I kid you not), "you must dance with me." Now, this is one great song, and I was bee-lining for Kristiaan (a great dancer), but what the hell, I said yes. As I lead her out on the floor, the real pain set in. She says, "this is my first night dancing, and you must teach me absolutely everything." Oh god! But I'm still ok, the music is just too good. However, as we dance, she continually asks me questions, stops to converse . . . "How do I do this?" "Am I doing this right?" etcetera . . . All I want to do is dance! The entire 6 1/2 minute event "bummed my high."

After the dance I lead her back to her table, and offered to get her a teacher's card for local lessons. In retrospect, I should have handled it differently by being a bit firmer with her, (i.e. Thank you, but not this dance, maybe in a bit), but at the time, for whatever reason, it just didn't occur to me. Granted, if I had been having good dances all night to great music, this probably wouldn't have been a very big deal, but since I hadn't yet had that one good dance, I was kind of yearning for it.

So, what is the moral of that story? I certainly don't want to turn off beginner dancers from asking people to dance, because that IS the BEST way to get better, and I want to greatly encourage it (and I do mean GREATLY encourage it). However, I also want these same people to take a "no" with a grain of salt, and understand what might be behind it. These are two very different stories, one from each angle.

Moral #1, It is better to give than to receive. Whoever thought of this really pisses me off, but alas, it's got some tiny, miniscule bit of merit (somewhere). Here was my chance to bring someone new into the dance world, and show them what a great time can be had dancing to the music. Should that make me feel like I missed out on a great dance? Or should it make me feel like I've just done a pretty nice thing?

Moral #2, in the final account, you, and everyone around you, are out at dances to have a good time. That means, in a nutshell, you have the right to say no, and dance with whom you want to dance, when you want to dance. In retrospect, I should have just said, "I'd love to dance with you, but I've promised this dance to someone else" and left it at that, possibly returning later.

One final note, I love seeing teachers dancing with their students. In fact, recently, I've noticed a change in the scene. When I go out and dance I see more and more teachers out, having a good time. When I see teachers, who I of course will not name, that I see out dancing a lot, dancing with everybody, and I mean, everybody, I just think that's cool. Always looking like they're having a good time, regardless of the level of their partner, or the song that comes on. Not being obsessed with how they look, or who's watching them. That's just very cool (and very rare . . .).